Essential differences in a gay Hero’s Journey — Part Two

Posted by May 22nd, 2014 7 Comments »

So — picking up from Part One: a straight hero grows up in an automatic level of belonging—whether it’s the idyllic Shire, or some other culture in which the hero belongs to an identifiable majority—that a gay one does not. But there’s a great and powerful gift inside the pain of not belonging: it sets him free. The gay hero does not owe the same psychic allegiance to the heteronormative world and its cultural conventions that a straight hero does. He sees the culture in which he lives through a very different lens. As a result, he understands the familiar world from a perspective that is ideally equipped to bring outside-the-box thinking for change, insight, compassion and creativity. But it takes courage to do it.

In boyhood most gay males learn to be shape-shifters, which in itself is another kind of separation from the world. Generally speaking, he learns to appear to be something he is not and becomes highly skilled in the performance. This psychic fluidity is a double-edged sword, both strength and weakness on his journey. For him there are few identity absolutes. He’s likely hyper-vigilant in situations involving power or risk, and often he can adapt faster than his integrity can process. This is why coming out is still the single most powerful act a gay man can undertake. It’s an unretractable declaration of his true identity, from which there is no retreat. After that, his developed skill at shapeshifting can be put to other uses.

In the lingo of the hero’s journey, shape-shifters are usually presented as being ambiguous or unreliable, probably untrustworthy, possibly amoral or even dangerous precisely because they don’t owe the same psychic allegiance to cultural convention. (As an aside, I believe it is precisely this inherent and palpable lack of investment in the status quo that frightens social conservatives.)

How does that contrast with the usual characterization of a straight hero at the beginning of his journey? A straight hero is rarely shown first as a shape-shifter unless he’s a con man or a secret agent. He is often emotionally reliable, if not responsible. He might start out as an arrogant jerk, but he is also shown to be innately good. The storyteller is sure to have him “pat the dog” in some important way. We don’t even have enough examples of gay hero’s journeys to argue a clear distinction on this point, but hopefully the stories we tell will add to the conversation.

The gay protagonist must find an internally congruent, authentic way to belong in the straight world when he returns. That’s essentially what a gay hero’s first great journey is about. You may be writing about a subsequent journey for him, based on the place in the world that he’s already found, but the emotional echoes of this first journey, of belonging—still as an outsider, but now an outsider who belongs—will resound in whatever transformative adventure he undertakes, and the fears he faces on his journey might well reflect that.

For further reflection on a gay protagonist’s outsider status before he begins his journey, here is an interesting list of ways in which a gay man can be reminded he is an outsider.

Straight Privilege

I believe this list was compiled in 2002. Today some of the bullet points are not as relevant as they once were, but most still pertain.

There is one item not on the list, one that stands behind all the rest—a gay man belongs to an irrevocably permanent minority. A gay hero’s journey must in some way bring him peace with his original discovery of being unlike the majority of people around him. He may not always be highly visible, and he may not always be welcome—but if he survives his journey and returns with his life-nourishing gifts, he is always immensely powerful.

* * *

Again: I wrote this piece focused on a gay male hero. I’m not seeking to speak for all gay men or make broad generalizations about what makes us tick, but rather to point to certain influences that might well have a bearing on a gay male protagonist separating from the world as he prepares for his journey. Further, I deliberately did not seek to expand my consideration to include LBTQ people. I’m not qualified to speak to their journeys except in the most purely archetypal sense. I look forward to reading—and learning from—contributions from those who are.

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7 Responses to “Essential differences in a gay Hero’s Journey — Part Two”

  1. July 13, 2015 at 5:31 pm

    There’s a book here. Really. As strong as Bly, as important to us as Campbell. I’ve met the woman who wrote The Virgin’s Promise: a hero’s journey for women and it’s a good distinction. I think there might be promise in fleshing this out.

    • July 13, 2015 at 5:57 pm

      I’ve got in my heart to write a more comprehensive work (series of essays or a book) on this, but it’s taking its time to gestate. I didn’t do the class, as I just wasn’t ready.

      As to our difference, I think as the societal charge dissipates from how different we are, the value of the difference will become clearer yet. My belief is that we’re still exploring the potential while still encumbered with societal dysfuncion, or at least its reverberations. I believe that in the future a gay man in the family will be considered a mark of honor instead of embarrassment, simply because of the spiritual gifts he brings.

      Thanks for your encouraging comment!

  2. July 13, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Tell me more about your idea that gay people automatically bring spiritual gifts to the table that others don’t. Love to hear more, or also what books might have informed you.

    Thanks! J

    • July 13, 2015 at 7:46 pm

      I’ll send you a copy of an essay that first was published in a collection framed as intergenerational advice to queer youth, called “Gate Keepers” after the description that traditional Dagara (West African tribe) use to describe homosexual men. The essay appeared in a collection called Second Person Queer, published by Arsenal Pulp Press in 2009.

      In general, I believe the spiritual function of gay men is to occupy the vesica piscis of sacred geometry — between the worlds of spirit and form, and possibly between the spheres of yin and yang as well. It would be presumptuous of me to speak to the spiritual role of lesbian, trans or gender queer folk, but I’m committed to explore the spirituality inherent in the gift of being a gay man.

      • September 25, 2017 at 1:53 pm

        I may have misplaced this essay you sent me, or we may have just crossed emailing paths and it missed its mark, but could you send it again? I’d love to keep reading up on this. Thanks!

      • October 24, 2017 at 1:48 pm

        Hi, Jerome! I wish I could say I had Part III to send, but I’ve set aside my work on this project in favor of a book project that I’ve just completed. Please help me remember — what did I send you? If I can, I’ll be glad to resend.

      • October 24, 2017 at 1:53 pm

        Ah. I see I promised you a copy of Gate Keepers. If you look under the “Articles” menu of this website, you’ll see that I posted the essay there. I must have done that a couple of years ago, right after I promised you a copy. Sorry for the confusion!

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